Owl Droppings
by skinnydippagangstaHP
Summary: this is a pretty cool story i would recomendreading it if you are in the mood for a twisted comedy!


Story by: Niner, Chloapatra, Daniel, and Hessuca

**Variation of 'Arry Potta'**

Hermione got up from the floor bleeding, Draco had beaten her again and with the baby only due in a few days she was getting worried. And not only that she was on her period and she had cramps and she was bloated and retaining water. She thought the baby might be disfigured because Draco kept throwing her on the floor and she was bouncing of her stomach because of the bouncing potion Draco put in her soup. She was thinking about performing an abortion on herself; it was a simple spell that she had known how to do since the tender age of 3. Draco started to feel bad but he just went to a bar and drank his problems away. He was mad because he didn't get to name the baby and he had an abusive childhood and a rare fungus on his left foot. He would have to blast it off with a spell after his three whiskies at the leaky cauldron. He sought Hagrid for help and forgiveness of his sins. Which were many and bad. Hagrid knew that Harry was jealous of their relationship. Harry had wanted to do Hermione since they were 11. Even though her pregnancy was a spell that she put on herself (that explains the period pains). So, anyway, things were not going well in the world of Harry Potter.

But Ron, who had escaped from this world because he had confessed to Snape his homosexuality and hidden feeling for Harry. He knew that Snape was gay with Remus so he knew he'd understand. (That's why Snape got so mad when he found Sirius and Remus together in the prefect bathroom). Ron was living in the wild with the muggles and Ron, being the virgin that he is had trouble with the women. He had escaped all this drama by giving up his magic and moving in with his muggle (gay) uncle. (They didn't have a relationship; Ron just thought that his uncle could hook him up with some hot guys). But one day, at a gay bar, Ron spotted a sexy young woman who was working as a bartender. Her name was Nina. She turned him straight again. That's how beautiful she was and is. But she had one flaw, she had a lazy eye, a peg leg, and a nose on her forehead- but she was still beautiful in the eyes of the lord. So, Ron and Nina hooked up but one day at dinner, Draco, the playa hata, broke into their apartment while they were having dinner and busted up their relationship. He was just jealous. But then, Hessuca, the foxy French prostitute broke into the apartment and stole the DVD player and Draco's heart. So Nina and Ron went right back to dinner as if nothing happened. Draco and Hessuca lived happily ever after on the Riviera playing shuffle board. Things were not so good for Ron and Nina. The next night they were visited by the ancient Egyptian Mummy Chloapatra. She brought bad news. Apparently, Ron had the clap and she got sand all over the floor. So, Nina dumped Ron and changed her name to Niners and Ron was a forever freckled virgin. Niners lived happily ever after with Cedric the Entertainer, not the triwizard participant who is dead, dur!

SO, Draco had left Hermione and she made herself unpregnafied. Unfortunately, Harry called everyday and left creepy messages until Voldemort blew him up. Needless to say, Hermione was getting very depressed until the man of her dreams came along. His name was Daniel. His long hair flowed in the wind. He looked like a brunette Fabio. Hermione fell instantly…I mean literally, she was too busy watching Daniel that she forgot where she was going and fell onto the subway tracks. Fortunately, that gave her a chance to be a damsel in distress. She yelled and Daniel came to her rescue. Sadly, he was too late. The Hogwarts Express ran them both over as they shared their first kiss. How romantic. Draco didn't shed a tear over her death, what a jerk! He was on the verge of insanity from all of his beatings because Hassuca was a persuasive lass. So, he divorced her and moved to a farm where he used Hermione and Daniel's bodies to fertilize his fields of cumquats. I know that I said he and Hassuca live happily ever after….but it was a lie. HA HA HA!

THE END!

P.S. to any readers, we didn't take this seriously at all. I hope you didn't waste your time reading this pile of owl droppings. We are high on helium. If you did read this or anything else on this website or possibly wrote a story seriously for this website, you really need to reconsider your whole life. Here's a hint…GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND GET A LIFE! DO SOME HOMEWORK FOR A CHANGE OR GET A JOB AND MOVE OUT OF YOUR MOM'S BASEMENT YOU 40 YEAR OLD COLLEGE DROP OUT! PLEASE GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND CONTRIBUTE POSITIVLY TO SOCIETY!

THANK YOU,

Your humble writers; skinnydippagangstaHP

P.S.X2 BLACK COULD BE ANYWHERE+


End file.
